…go back

the feeling of wanting to move on, wondering if i am in the right place and wanting to see more, and the feeling of missing-out has accompanied me all my life. but now i am experiencing a new feeling: the feeling of wanting to go back….
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being a vagabond and having had the privilege of experiencing all kinds of new things…. like living in multiple cities (with addresses i could not pronounce…), having eaten food (spiced with herbs that i did not know existed), and meeting people so different and so beautiful….. i guess it is natural to constantly be hungry to discover more and more of this magical world.

over the past six months i have been vagabonding in europe, which is faaaar more familiar than asia. i have had the feeling of wanting-to-go-back and wishing i could rewind time, popping up in my mind. apart from wanting to pick a fresh mango from outside my bamboo hut (like i did in hau hin, thailand), uncomfortable shoes and winter coats being of absolutely no service, and humble smiles greeting me, i want to be challenged the way i was…. challenges you face when you are in places, where trivial things like food or a bed is not self-evident but more an adventurous challenge that usually put forth more curious beauty.

when i catch myself second-guessing my decisions and wishing that someone would fiiiiinally invent beaming, i remind myself that i am actually always in the right place and i need to make the best of it. the same goes for wanting to go back….. when i really think about it, i have never been a fan of doing things over (which also is the reason for my ever-changing outside). for the sake of embracing change and evolving like a stone in water, i don’t actually want to go back. forward… continuing to explore the unknown is soooo much more exciting!

the above photo was taken last march, in bali, on my way to this photoshoot….. understandable that i wish every day would start like this, no?

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